He Didn't Hit Me Today

I'm just waiting to be hit...

My shoulders are hunched and I'm making as little noise as I can while typing away on my computer. When my husband walks into the room, I roll my chair back so that I'm out of his way. Facing him, but sitting very still, and making no eye contact. I wait for him to indicate what he wants.

No, it's fine; he just came into the kitchen to refill his glass of water. He does that, and then heads back to his office. Some of the mental alarms quiet down, and I can relax a little and go back to work. But I'll still keep an ear out for any threats.

My Editing Process

This week's writing work has been editing work. I'm in the process of editing two pieces for a friend. I'm not a professional editor; I just help out on projects for myself and a specific friend or two. So I sat down and thought about when I do editing work for other people. Here's an overview of MY typical process. 

Be Bad at Something You Want To Be Good At

Today, another read of something Ferret has written and how it speaks to me.

The Dreadful Necessity Of Imperfection

In this one, Ferret talks about trying something new, in this case a podcast. And his fears that the first ones will be poorly done, with mistakes, imperfections, poor judgement calls... you know, the results of being new. In time, he'll develop patterns, skills, tricks, and better judgement. But the first ones will probably be rough. 

In high school, I remember my daughter sitting in the car next to me, bemoaning the fact that she would probably never be as good at this one thing as one of her friends. Now, the friend only had this one thing that she was really good at (in the context of our conversations, at least). This friend spent all her practice time on this one thing, and was super-good at it. My daughter, on the other hand, had a half-dozen hobbies she was working on, including this thing. And to be honest, she was pretty good at all of them. She was 'good' at all of them. But the friend was 'great' at this one. My daughter couldn't see being 'great'. I asked her if she was interested in giving up all of her other hobbies to focus on that one thing, and if maybe then she could be 'great' at it. She admitted that maybe she wasn't interested in paying that price for greatness; all of her hobbies were important to her, not just that one.

I am a 'Former Gifted Kid', with all the attendant baggage that comes with it. I was always pretty good at most things I picked up, almost instantly. I didn't have to work hard just to be 'okay' at things; they came naturally. I played piano, studied martial arts, sang, and other stuff. And sometimes I veered toward 'great' in these things; but just with a minimal effort, I got to start off at 'good'. There were things I would have to start at 'poor' with, like, say, dancing. I'm not a natural dancer; I'm in the 'poor but can follow directions if they are repeated enough times' category. But being 'poor' at it was hard, so I quit quickly, or even just didn't start on those things. I avoided the things that would take significant effort just to keep up with others. Or I started the things, and then quit when it demanded effort. For instance, I wrote a lot of poetry, briefly. I enjoyed it, but it was bad poetry. So I stopped writing, until many years later.

Hot Flashes is Now Available on Amazon!

 

My latest anthology, Hot Flashes, is now available on Amazon at tinyurl.com/hotflasheserotica - I have twelve pieces of my own in this one, and I edited the book. It's been a ten-month project that I'm thrilled to have completed!

NRE? How about NPE?

In the Polyamory community, we talk about NRE - New Relationship Energy. The idea is that when someone gets started on a new relationship; when they are in the first stages of flirting and figuring out if they are compatible, there's usually a lot of mental energy focused on this new relationship. If you are a partner or friend of someone in a new relationship, you may hear a lot more than you'd like about this new potential person - what they look like, how they've answered questions, everything they've said... And your friend/partner may be less available to you because they are spending all their time & energy on this new relationship. I mean, you're happy for them to be so excited and happy, but also, it can be overwhelming, when it's someone else's New Relationship Energy (NRE), and not yours. 

Of course, hand-in-hand with talking about NRE is reminding ourselves to be patient with this person who is radiating the NRE. It will ease off when the relationship is no long quite so new. Jealousy can easily crop up when your partner is full of NRE and you... aren't. Feeling like 'yesterday's news' can be a problem for the existing partner, and we have to remind ourselves to enjoy our existing established reliable partners as well as the new exciting unknown.

But I'm actually not here to talk about New Relationship Energy (NRE); I just wanted to establish what it is for those not familiar with the concept. 

I'm here to talk about New Project Energy (NPE). Because it's something that is very much a part of my personality. When I get to working on a new project, everyone in my world gets to be a part of it - whether they want to be or not. 

Struggling - for Internal Drama Only

I'd like to share someone else's writing, for a changeup. I follow TheFerrett as he struggles with writing, mental wellness, and life.

Getting Ice Cream With My Therapist

I read this piece, and it was like being seen. We have spent so many years struggling with our mental issues constantly. The status quo was, for so long, "What are we struggling with today?" There was always an alter upset, a bit of anxiety or depression to focus on, problems with controlling switching, or relationship problems.

Now we still struggle sometimes, but there are these gaps where everything's, well, FINE. There's nothing to focus on as the problem of the day, because we've done a lot of work to get to a place where we are healthier. And [gasp] it's worked. There are many days where there isn't a struggle, where figuring out what to eat is the toughest thing to work on.

Many times when those days come up, I feel guilty. I react as if I'm slacking off, letting the problems run amuck without supervision.  I feel like maybe I'm missing the issues, like one's sneaking around causing damage in the background, and I should be out there searching for something to be wrong. I'm afraid that I am just in denial that anything is wrong, and how dare I be content?

But that's not the case. Really, it's just that I'm... OKAY. Everything is working fine. The hard work we've put in for years trying to get a handle on our struggles has come to fruition, and I'm handling things just fine. 

I don't know how to handle being Fine. I don't know how to sit and be Okay. I don't know how to take a day off from struggling with myself. Which is crazy. I'm so used to struggling with a problem that when there isn't one, I'll manufacture a problem with being Okay.

I got where I was trying to be, healthier and capable of having many days of being Okay. But I didn't expect that to be the hard part.

---

I commented something like the above on one of TheFerrett's posts of the above. His response:

"When you struggle all the time, calm feels ominous."

And how right that one is. But today, I'm Okay. And I'm going to try to be Okay with that.

Inauguration Day

Today is the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris. In our household, we are each watching it live on our own computers while working. And no surprise, it's got me thinking. So I'm typing this out as the inauguration ceremony is happening.

During the anthem and the pledge, I found myself tearing up. Because I'm a sentimental sap, and despite everything, I am patriotic. I do love my country, despite my disappointment in it, and its people, so frequently and consistently.

Years ago, I wouldn't have bothered watching the inauguration ceremony, because I 'didn't do politics'. And because my watching it would make no difference to the machine rolling along. I voted, but I knew my vote didn't mean a lot, because I'm in Tennessee, and it's a pretty sure thing where our votes would go to.

Except the last few years have changed my opinions and my patriotism. I've become a lot more interested in politics the last few years, for a few reasons. I started paying attention when I became part of the queer community, and realized how piercing the effect of politics was on the lives of people I knew and cared about. I started paying closer attention when Trump was campaigning for the office, and the horror of the idea he could win began to settle throughout my community. I think age brings us more awareness of how politics affect us, especially as we gain a better hold on our own opinions and desires, and see how political decisions affect not only ourselves, but others.

When Trump actually won, I found in myself a huge disappointment in the people of my country - I just thought they were better. I needed to believe in them to be wiser, more caring for one another. They are not - people, especially in groups, are selfish and shortsighted and driven by hatred, especially hatred of those different from themselves. When the pandemic hit, I found even more disappointment in the way people - as individuals as well as groups - handled the situation and themselves. The last several years have been a terrible coming to awareness of just how awful and selfish people can be.

And then we sang the anthem and pledged allegiance to our United States. I remembered the patriotic hopefulness of a much younger, more innocent me. I recognized the discouragement deep in my soul regarding the people around me. And yet, I also felt a singular love and hope and cheer pledging to my country and seeing the machine travel along, despite setbacks. And there are tears in my eyes. We can be better. Right?

Churches Should Be Saving Us from Covid-19

Why aren't churches and church leaders leading the drive to fight this pandemic? They should be the examples of encouraging everyone to mask up and take preventative measures to protect one another and comfort those that need it, during a time which is scary for us all.

The philosophy of christian teaching I follow is all about taking care of people who are hurting, feeding the poor, protecting the vulnerable, and loving people - whether they deserve it or not, whether they are like us or not, whether they ask for it or not. 

Churches that follow that philosophy should be our 'First Line Response'. They should be the shining example of being willing to brave a little (or a lot) of inconvenience in order to take care of others. Mask drives should be right up there along with food drives and clothes drives. 

We should be relying on pastors, preachers, and other faith leaders to wear masks, call on their congregations to wear the masks and follow the recommendations of our medical professionals. They have a (literal) pulpit from which to urge people to protect themselves and others so that we can all live better and end the pandemic sooner.