How do I address you?

From time to time, someone asks whoever's out how they can address each of us individually with respect. First, by asking that question, they've shown a lot of respect. Thank you. It seems, though, that addressing a multiple (at least this multiple) falls into one of three plans.

The simplest way to address us is collectively, by using our group name Meronym. It works like a last name, in that it encompasses all of us. But it doesn't refer to any one of us specifically. The group name can be any one of us OR all of us collectively. We should all answer to it.

The nicest way is to get to know each alter individually, and then call them by name. Kiara's the alter in my system that more people get to know. With her big eyes and her stutters, she's the easiest to recognize. If you know she's out, call her Kiara, because that's her name. But not everyone's as easy to recognize as she is. So this method is harder to do consistently. Heck, even our husband doesn't always get it right. And when you misname somebody, there could be a little bit of hurt feelings. But when you get it right, there's a super-happy glow at being recognized.

And the most reasonable way to handle it is to ask. "Do I see Kiara out?" or "Okay, Paul - right?" or even "Can I ask who's out?" All of these are a little uncomfortable to use at first, because it seems a little stilted. But really, it's being very respectful. Also, we will sometimes wear nametags with our initials on them, to help you out. We also are happy to receive a reminder to put on a nametag when appropriate.

Here’s one way of looking at it: Let's say you have a friend named Dave Jones, and he lives with his dad and three brothers, with whom you are also friendly (all named Jones). The first method is like calling up your friend's number and asking for 'Mr. Jones", then talking to whomever answers the phone. The second method is like hearing your friend answer, and saying, "Dave!" without asking for him. The third method is like asking for Dave, even if you think it's him answering, and letting him reveal that it's him.