Stages of Multiplicity

first published November 15, 2017

Everyone’s multiplicity looks a little different - this is psychology, after all. But from my own experience, and what I’ve learned about & from other multiples, there are a few different stages that most people go through. It’s not necessarily linear, and many people stop at some point of progression, but here’s what I find to be a general progression, and a little about my journey through each stage. None of this is clinical or universal; it’s just my observations, and my choice of terms as well.

A friend pointed out the other night that, though she's studied DID in her profession, we don't fit the description. Because, of course, only those middle parts where all the confusion happens is usually described. So maybe this is a helpful explanation, from our point of view. We've been through DID as described in the texts, but we've also learned coping skills and moved past that stage.

TRAUMA

Almost all multiples get splintered because they are terribly traumatized and develop this trick of dissociation to hide from or escape their trauma. They probably don’t know they are splintering, but are just trying to survive the trauma. This is usually at a very young age.

I had an abusive marriage as a teen that appears to be my ‘triggering trauma’. The timing is unusual, but definitely there was trauma. Possibly something happened when I was young that neither I nor my mother knows about, or maybe my brain just had an inherent flaw. But I don't have the characteristic major trauma as a small child.

FUNCTIONALLY DISSOCIATED

With the trauma hopefully over, the person is just trying to move on with their life and be a functioning person. The splintered bits of personality are hidden away, perhaps for many years, and it seems like this person is just fine. They may develop coping habits that serve as outlets for dissociation. To all outward appearances, this person is not multiple.

I threw myself into being a mother and getting through college. I also did a lot of fiction writing, role play gaming and stage acting that not only kept me busy, but gave me outlets for the different ‘sides’ of me to appear in a socially acceptable context.

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER - UNAWARE

This is the part that ‘sounds the alarm’ on dissociation. Things aren’t working right. Time goes missing, and the person finds themselves places they don’t remember going to. Money probably goes missing, too, and new things show up that the person doesn’t remember buying. This is a scary time, where they know something is wrong, but not what it is. Alters are coming out and acting in the world, but the host/primary is not aware of it. This is the ‘symptom stage’ that is described in texts.

In 2009, my daughter was becoming an adult and didn’t need me so much, I had stopped my writing and role play gaming, and I took a break from doing so much theatre. And that’s when I figured out that I wasn’t working right. I was losing large blocks of time and felt out of control. My life seemed to be falling apart. 

DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER - AWARE

At some point, the primary/host finds out about the other people in their mind. This stage is uncomfortable as alters are examined, when they are accustomed to hiding, and the primary/host finds that they are not alone. They may fight it, or may accept it. A lot of research and learning about multiplicity should be happening. This is a great time to start therapy for help learning about multiplicity and working on techniques to manage it.

I researched what problems could result in the issues I was having, and eventually settled on D.I.D. as the correct diagnosis. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t multiple, but ultimately failed. I started reading about other multiples and their stories.

EVOLVING MULTIPLICITY

The alters in the system start learning to work together and learn about each other. The diagnosis has been accepted. The evolution may be in the direction of integration, or may be in the direction of becoming functionally multiple.

Once I had accepted my multiplicity enough to communicate with my alters, everything began moving very quickly. New alters came and went, and the alters that stayed evolved and developed into fuller people. We decided that integration was not a goal, and instead started learning about each other.

FUNCTIONAL MULTIPLICITY

The system has developed some patterns and coping habits that allow them to function as a working adult person. They aren’t really ‘disordered’ anymore, but they are still multiple.

Eight years after diagnosing myself with multiple personalities, we certainly don’t consider ourselves to be ‘disordered’. We’re able to function quite well as a single legal entity run by committee, as it were. We’ve pretty much settled down to five active alters, two secondary ones, and a few in the background that are either unknown or ‘stored away’. Because we have systems and routines in place, most people would never know we’re multiple if we didn’t tell them (or they were really perceptive). This is why I tell people “I am a multiple personality,” rather than “I have Dissociative Identity Disorder.”